Hobby Hell and Expression Struggles

 Every piece of media I consume as a child has shaped my brain in ways I could never properly explain. I was nothing short of enraptured by the fascinating animations of Chowder, with their mixture of claymation and stop motion media, or the dazzling puppetry of Jim Henson. To this day, each time I go back and watch an old show or movie, I'm still left in an almost dazed sense of awe. A part of me screams 'I want to do that! I can do that! I will do that!' with a volume that shakes my soul. I find it important for people, beyond just myself, to have a drive to create! It enriches the human experience, and even if it isn't the best work in the world, you're still bringing something in to existence! The downside of this, however, is the new mountain of hobbies at your back. 

I've talked about WIPs before on this page, as I am no stranger to unfinished business. But now I want to take some time to talk about the urge to create with no supplies to express. I have an abundance of art supplies, from a bajillion pens (I'm autistic and fucking love stationery) to enough stickers to cover my apartment building. I could drown in all the paint own or knit every neighbor a full body suit with all my yarn. Mountain after mountain of supplies, yet my heart finds another way to yearn for expression through a medium which I am not well equipped for. It feels like if I don't immediately have access to the proper supplies for whatever has caught my fancy then I'll never be able to create again! Even now I find myself dreaming of felt and needles, hoping to bring to life yet another project that will inevitably fall to the bottomless pit of WIPs I have hidden away in the nooks and crannies of my room.  

When I was younger, I simply would just figure it out. Nowadays I think I might implode if I don't go out and get my hands on some new craft thing. Moving into adulthood makes me feel as if I had lost a certain spark of ingenuity that I was certain had been something carved into my bones. Now I sit here at my computer struggling to even come up with simple papercrafts. Everything I do just feels like a rehash of someone else's work. Hell, even this blog is a shining example of that! Sure, I wanted an outlet to scream in to the void about my many scattered thoughts, but it was all falling into place because of someone else's idea. I don't mean to sound so negative, truly. It isn't that I'm not elated to see people in the world return to hobby culture, but seeing so many creative people enter the scene makes me feel a bit inadequate. It seems that comparison really is the thief of joy. 

Circling back to my main point, I crave to create in ways that those who have inspired me have. I've been seeing quite a lot of creatives online make retro-esque characters, stories, and content that hit a niche in my brain like no other! One such project would be the online interactive horror project; Welcome Home by partycoffin. I highly encourage whoever find this post to check out their content! I would also urge you to check out the videos made by Nightmind on youtube! Not only have they managed to create such a delightful cast of colorful characters with unique personalities, they've even produced physical props as if the show within the story actually existed. They didn't stop at just drawings, they went above and beyond, producing puppets, fake products, and little commercials. It has me thoroughly inspired, but that is where I seem to hit a wall. 

I wish to do the same, so dearly. I want to bring to life my own puppets but I fear that felt work and sewing will end up the same as all my hobbies. Goodness, I've landed myself in such a pit of non-issues it seems. I'll figure it out eventually, I always do. To you, sweet stranger, I hope you succeed in all your interest's endeavors as I have seemingly failed to do.